How to fix the most unusable of hiking boots

What you'll need:

• Determination
• A positive outlook
• A rubber jar opener acquired at the Southeast Alaska State Fair
• A hiking boot whose inner padding has ruptured after three months of use such that your fingers are millimeters away from poking through the sole

Instructions:

1. Fold rubber jar opener twice into quarter-circle
2. Fish through war zone of padding, rubber and metal that constitutes bottom three inches of shoe
3. Wedge rubber jar opener into hole
4. Cover hole with any remaining padding that has not disappeared into the abyss
5. Ignore the hole emerging on side of shoe
6. Invest more than $20 in hiking boots next time