Farewell, gentle friend

BeardWatch
Status: N/A

The long goodbye

I came to Skagway with two goals:

1. Conquer Alaska
2. Punch a bear in the face

Lamentably, I was only able to accomplish one of these goals.

The perfect Skagday

Went to bed at 2 a.m. Woke up at 6:12 a.m. to one of my sources calling me. Conducted a phone interview wearing nothing but Carolina gym shorts, shivering. Fell back asleep despite the broadest of daylights.

Woke up for real at 12:30 p.m. Took a shower. Hot water lasted 30 seconds longer than usual. Conditioned my facial hair. Ate leftover salmon salad. Read about proverbs. Considered my future.

Readjusted the rubber jar gripper in the cushion of my destroyed hiking boot. Walked to Pullen Pond to watch salmon fight the current. Learned the difference between king and pink salmon. Admired the beauty of spawning season.

How to fix the most unusable of hiking boots

What you'll need:

• Determination
• A positive outlook
• A rubber jar opener acquired at the Southeast Alaska State Fair
• A hiking boot whose inner padding has ruptured after three months of use such that your fingers are millimeters away from poking through the sole

Instructions:

1. Fold rubber jar opener twice into quarter-circle
2. Fish through war zone of padding, rubber and metal that constitutes bottom three inches of shoe
3. Wedge rubber jar opener into hole
4. Cover hole with any remaining padding that has not disappeared into the abyss
5. Ignore the hole emerging on side of shoe
6. Invest more than $20 in hiking boots next time